I have to be honest, I don’t love the world “mindfulness.” I think it has an air of superiority to it as though it is reserved for guru’s, healers and those enlightened people that the rest of us aren’t. Nothing could be further from the truth! To me, mindfulness is like a deep dive into humility and presence, I wish we could invent a new word for that but until we do, I’ll call my journey one of mindfulness.
For me, the process of becoming more mindful in my daily life began in college as I struggled with an eating disorder. I picked up Geneen Roth’s book, Feeding the Hungry Heart, which was about mindful eating, even before anyone was using the world ‘mindful.’ After reading her book, everytime I went to open the door of the refrigerator, I would sit down and ask myself what it was that I really wanted. It took awhile and was hard to discern, but eventually I started to be able to hear and give attention to my inner voice.
The next moment that I remember mindfulness changing my life is when I decided to start a non-profit education center as a single mom with two young children, in a foreign country with just a few pennies (pesos) in my pocket. My inner voice said, “Trust yourself. Do your best everyday. Gift your love to the world. You will be okay” and so I did. That day started me on a leadership adventure that changed my life forever.
The daily leadership of Entreamigos was the greatest gift and the hardest work that I have ever done. Every day the challenges were different, the expectations were increased, the impact of my decisions were immediate and my exposure and vulnerability as a mother and a leader were tested. There is a saying that true community work means that your heart breaks every day, and I believe that was true for me. The choice to give my whole heart to my work, to fall down and feel broken and then to get up again and to do this over and over, required a daily concentration in living with purpose and finding peace in the process. It wasn’t ever perfect, but it did get easier.
Later, as I transitioned from my life’s work at Entreamigos and into the unknown “next,” I struggled with fear, depression and anxiety in a way that I had never before known. My relationship ended, my hair began to fall out and it seemed like the darkness kept piling on. It was in this moment that my mindfulness practice which had always been intuitive and fluid, became my lifeline. I connected with what I knew was true and held fast to the mantra, “You are okay, you will be okay.” I started to meditate every morning which grounded me and reinforced my commitment to stay in the present. I practiced gratitude with the whole of my heart and showered myself with compassion. I was okay. I would be okay.
The practice of mindfulness has helped me to be present in the moment, to give without need for reserve, to experience pain and know that there is a brighter day ahead. Most importantly, my mindfulness journey allows me to live a daily life filled with love, acceptance, gratitude and peace.